A New Format… A Rant on Personality. Scatterbrained etc.

     I must admit I struggle with emphatic hesitation when it comes to writing blog posts.  I have considered spontaneously deleting this progressive journal-type outlet countless times, but am always met with passionate hesitation… mostly from my mother.  Therefore, I have decided to take a rather aggressive approach for better or worse.  I have gone through somewhat of a personal revolution over the past year, and feel more "myself" than I ever have before, so perhaps blogging will help encompass these newly realized ideals and personality quirks.  I stumbled upon this blog "challenge" format that prompts the theme of 30 blog posts.. a month's worth more or less. I have decided to view these prompts as inspiration, first answering to the question or task they pose, then rambling on for a moment or so.  We will see if it makes my writing endeavors anymore prolific…


Day One: "A Recent Picture of Yourself & 15 Interesting Facts"

1. I wear a curly silver ring and am constantly playing with it, getting it stuck in my messy hair at least three times a day.
2.  I got my license last week.. more than two years overdue. However, I secretly believe that if I had gotten it any earlier I would have perished in a car accident.
3.  It is easier for me to empathize with criminals and homeless drunks than it is for me to connect with very conservative church folk.  Something I should really work on.  
4.  Brave New World is my all time favorite book, and I am slightly too embarrassed to confess to people how very much it changed my perspective on life.  
5.  I whole-heartedly enjoy smoking lots and lots of cigars, despite their potential to make me take on the aura of an old sophisticated gentleman.  
6.  My self esteem is closely tied to how many questions I can answer correctly on Jeopardy.  
7.  I am harboring a very intense personal goal to own a concrete copy of every Bob Dylan album by the time I am thirty.  Furthermore, to purchase a vinyl record player and put my thrifted albums to use.  
8.  I don't believe anyone is going to any kind of hell after this life.  I threw that halfway down my list as to hopefully disguise it for those of you who would be shocked by such a statement.  
9.  I develop strange little short-lived obsessions and seek out countless articles and videos to educate myself on the current topic.  At this moment? The concept of a "multiverse".  
10.  When I really pick apart my interests, I get slightly alarmed by what a nerd I am.. or present myself as.  (For example: My real number 10 was going to be a confession of how much I loved learning about the French Revolution.)  


     Well… 10 facts about myself is definitely the extent of the list I can compose.  Such strange insight into my own personality is starting to feel far too self-indulgent.  More interesting to me?  The strange, complex reality of what human personality is.  If you really step out of your skin for a moment and focus hard on what you believe your own personality to be, what will likely ensue is a lack of clarity or resolution.  I do this far too often and find my mind thrown into a twisty mess.. is personality the variety of our "list" of interests? is it the way we treat other people? is it others' perceptions of us? or is it the mixture of emotions that form our relational habits? 
     I recently read an outstanding novel by Jonathan Safran Foer (Foer's rich understanding of what it means to be human never fails to shake me) entitled Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.. an intense mix of prose, pictures, and typography that just blew my mind.  Its insight into what  personality consists of really struck a chord with me.  While sitting with his therapist, a troubled little boy listens to his counselor ponder whether personality is the "difference between our insides and outsides"… the gap between our emotional, mental life.. and our actual existence.  This realization shocked me.  We each lead two lives don't we? The person we are in our minds.. in our metaphorical hearts.. is not the person we are to the exterior world, the concrete universe.  The unavoidable gap between what we intend to say.. what our hearts desire to express.. and the reality that escapes our mouths.  Should this phase us?  No.. it should comfort us.  This inevitable gap is not an instance of hypocrisy.. our personality.. who we are.. is created by the universal differences between the two lives we lead.  Isn't the human condition fascinating?  The mystery of personality will never cease to amaze me.